and my write up:)Jokes apart, I have given a serious thought to start blogging since years. However,it never happened given my lazy nature, lack of topics to write on and most importantly lack of expression skills(Ever imagined how it feels when you are trying to explain a complex mistake in a financial sheet to your boss, and after your whole hearted effort for 15 minutes, all he says is could you please be little more clear:) ) . Today, I start blogging for a special reason, A special person and my world,Riya. She being too young to understand all I want to share with her, through this blog I want to capture all my memories of motherhood, beautiful days of seeing her grow and treasure it forever.
So I would start right from the beginnning of what motherhood meant to me. Actually I never analyzed it fully and thought of taking care of a kid use to get make me scared enough to get under the bed and hide there for awhile. Not only me, but everybody around had very little confidence on my capabilities as a mother. I wouldnt blame them completely as I myself have realized there is something wrong with my connecting with babies as I am not those kids favorite type females(In get togethers there will be few to whose lap babies would just jump into and give them a special smile and not to forget they top old ladies rank list for their sons:). With me things were just opposite, where kids would turn away their heads seeing me and on my comming close, would give a loud call for help.With all these facts and fears and concerns in mind, I started a journey of explorations, of motherhood(Like a traveller who starts his journey in sands of not sure what would come ahead). When expecting, all I enjoyed was a nice VIP special treatment and being the final authority to make decisions of where to go for outing, and what to eat(people close to me would know how important it is to have that decision making power in my kind of family). Very surprisinly, I hardly thought about the reason these priviliges were given to me- my baby.
And then on 10th April'2009, my life changed more then I had ever imagined and all for better, God blessed us with Riya. As my brother very appropriately called her "Angel". She was a true angel, who without the magical wand was here to make my life more beautiful then it ever was and make me realize that I could also be that loving. Howver Initial days were very different and everything I had read of mothers developing an instant connection with baby was not true in my case. As I held Riya in my arms for first time, I was happy but I was worried also as God had given me a very small and fragile baby who I had to really handle with care. And to my fears Riya denied all my initial approaches to understand her and treated me like strangers. Initial few days were full of stress as everytime she cried I had no clue on what had happened, whether she was hungry, a stomach ache or is it because I lifted her wrong way in morning. Most of the time she would sleep and even as I would spend every minute of the day with her, she wont even look at me. I kept wondering, was there something wrong with me, or am I a heartless women, who just cannot link up with her own kid. However, I did not even imagine things were to change very soon and I was to find a reason to live.
Deepti..
